Heart of a Gypsy

A journey in the pursuit of happiness

Have I really reached my Use By Date?

I have had to face some harsh realities in my new life as a single woman and each in their own way have chipped my confidence around the edges.  One of the most soul destroying things was finding out that I am virtually unemployable at a time when I needed to be able to feel as though I could support myself more than anything.  It was a sobering moment to be sure.


When I first told Craig I was leaving I thought the worst was over mostly because that was the ONLY thing I had been focussed on for months.  It only took a nanosecond to realise that my challenges had only just begun.


I could no longer rely on Craig's income, I had nowhere to live and even if I found something I had no money to pay for it.  YIKES!!  I naively thought I would just get a job and the rest would fall into place.  It almost makes me laugh to think of it now but at the time I really believed I could get something even if it was something I didn't particularly want.  I've never been afraid to do anything for a living, within reason of course, and I am not too proud to do a job others might consider beneath them.  As far as I'm concerned if it's honest work and it pays my way in life, it is plenty good enough for me.


I applied for job after job in the field I am qualified for which is business admin and after several months I hadn't even managed to get an interview.  This had never happened to me before and I couldn't understand where I was going wrong.  Was my resume too wordy, not wordy enough, not applicable to the job at hand?  Was I too old, out of the work force for too long or just not good enough?  It really got me down especially as everything depended on me getting some sort of employment.


In the end I had to go down the road I had sworn I would never set foot on and applied for the Disability Pension.  I met all the criteria and after exposing my entire life to scrutiny I was approved.  Don't get me wrong.  I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed that I have had to ask for this help but I did hope it wouldn't come to this.  I guess it just felt like I was telling the world, "that's it, I'm on the scrap heap and you may as well all know it."  Yes I do know that's silly but I'm a stubborn old mule and I'm not ready for that kind of capitulation.


Having been granted this Pension I didn't see that as being ok to sit on my butt and watch soap operas all day and I volunteered to go on a program at the Disability Employment Services.  Basically this organisation pays a significant portion of your wage to an employer who is willing to take you on with whatever impairment you bring to the table.  I see a lovely guy called John once a fortnight and we try to figure out what I can do.  We have both come to the conclusion that my calling is to help people and he is trying to get me into a training program to work with elderly people or people with disabilities which is kind of ironic when you think about it.  The expression the "blind leading the blind" springs to mind but I digress.



I did have a part time job delivering catalogues twice a week to about 300 houses.  There could be anything up to 15 catalogues per house which all had to be collated.  Long story short it turned out to be far too much for me and I collapsed in the street twice in the space of 30 minutes.  My legs completely lost feeling and went out from under me and it was very scary.  I was quite ill for several weeks and realised I had to find something that wasn't as taxing.


Fate stepped in last week when I got a letter from Avon asking me to come back.  It hadn't even occurred to me to consider that which is strange because it is actually a perfect solution.  Those of you who were reading me for a long time may remember I have been an Avon lady before and I mostly enjoyed it.   I was also very good at it and was in the top 10 reps out of about 300 people and our area was the 2nd to top best selling area in the whole of Australia.



I signed on again last week and will get my area in the next few days. 


I love that I can have my own hours, work when I am able to and most of all meet new people and make new friends.  I am allowed to work up to 15 hours a week and I don't think the little bit of money I'd get from Avon will be breaking any rules.  It will help me have a better quality of life and you can't put a price on that.  Most of all it will give me a sense of purpose and usefullness and that is one thing that has been missing from my life for far too long. 


They also want me to go on the Leadership Program which sounds good but I've learned my lesson.  Baby steps....I need to take baby steps and see how far I can push myself BEFORE it's too far.


I am studying more or less full time too at the moment but more about that another day.


So you see some things have changed in my life to make it almost unrecognisable but then out of the blue comes something that takes me back to a familiar place.


Don't you just love the inconsistencies of life?

13 comments:

This is awesome news, Gypsy! I know well how difficult and scary it is to job hunt at this age, not even taking physical limitations into consideration. The biggest frustration comes in knowing you can do what others won't give you a chance to prove. I shuddered to think of you struggling with stacks of heavy catalogs, and I remember how exceptionally well you did with Avon previously, so I think it is a Godsend for you at this time. Yes it surely is fun to see how things sometimes come full circle! I am also proud of you for accepting the disability stipend, if it helps you to maintain the quality of life and independence you desire, awesome, that's what it's there for! I am sooo proud of what you've accomplished for yourself. I just know you feel lighter because of it!

 

I am so happy to have you back, Gypsy. Once again, the parallels that run in our lives are completely uncanny. I am single now, I am also selling Avon - a new venture for me...and heaven knows that physically we have many of the same issues. Not to mention the same birthday month and year--within a few days...hmmm. Strange. I think we are twins.

You can do this new thing --- both the being single and the working and finding your way. You can. You are very strong...mentally. I have all the faith in the world in you, I always have. I just want you happy.

Big hugs, old friend. :)

 

You're going to be just fine. And, NO, you have not by any means reached your "Used By Date".

I don't believe YOU have one of those. ;)

 

Avon is perhaps your avenue for connecting with those elderly people. That's how I see it. The most touching Avon stories you wrote about were the ones when you had a heart connection with people who were lonely and needed someone to talk to.
It's amazing how important heart connections are... really there is nothing more life affirming and self affirming than when it is a genuinely felt moment shared.

It totally get the blind leading the blind. It was brutal trying to counsel people when my marriage first fell apart. I swear to God every single angle of my own story "walked" through the door and I had to sit face to face with issues I was wrestling with. I was in such a fog too. But, it has lifted. I am lifted and the lessons I have gathered and learned over the past year have all been blessings. I've taken more risks, danced with more abandon and done things I never thought I would dare to! The tears still come more than they should (however, it is a known fact that I can cry at a diaper commercial for God's sakes), but they bring strength as their friend.

I LOVE the fact that there is some Leadership opportunities for you. This is great Gypsy!!! You will thrive in that role.

xxx

 

I love it - the circles of life overlapping and bringing us back and then springing us forward and always somehow taking us to new places.

And please do take care not to overdo it - those baby steps can seem annoying, but they'll get you where you need to go just the same, just a little slower :)

 

It is very hard to get a job at the moment in most fields. And when we reach a certain age it is even harder. I actually got passed over for a contract last week because "we are looking for someone with a younger perspective..." What the? I might be in my forties but I think my perspective is very current. I mean, I play XBox with my son and I watch Jersey Shore. What more do they want???

I am really glad you were eligibile for some assistance. There's no shame in it, hon. Those systems were set up to help people in your situation. It's the people who rort the system who give it a bad name. I am really pleased about it for you.

I am also really pleased that you are an Avon Lady again. I think it would be accurate to say that you are the spunkiest Avon Lady in your area if not in the whole of Australia. Rowr. Seriously though, I know how much you enjoyed it and that is worth more than anything.

Onward and upward, Gypsy. Things are looking good for you!

 

Josie: I was getting so downhearted because like you said, all I needed was a chance to prove what I knew I could do. Hell I would have even been grateful for an interview but I couldn't talk myself up without even getting that chance.

I kept telling myself I would get the job I was meant to have and it looks like that is exactly what has happened. Being an Avon lady may not be what I would aspire to be but I believe I can make a difference because I genuinely care about people.


Jamie: It means a lot to me that you have such faith in me and yes the parallels are quite spooky aren't they? I had no idea you had also joined the ranks of Avon. Maybe we are twins...lol. How on earth do you fit that in with working full time and with all your health issues? And you think I'm strong? Wow you have my deepest admiration for that. It's good to see you still hanging in there in spite of all the hurdles that are put in your path. You're awesome Jamie.


Heather Jo: Sometimes my body feels like its already outlasted its usefulness lol but my mind isn't ready to quit yet. I'm like you though I would love to sit and cuddle puppies all day for a living.


Awareness: There is no doubt that when I did Avon before I felt as though I made a difference to some of my customers lives just as they in turn made a difference to mine. I loved my old ladies and I know they looked forward to having someone to visit them and listen to them for a little while. It had really little to do with the thrill of making the sale, it was more about connecting to people in a meaningful way.

That must have been very hard for you to try and ease another's pain when your own was so palpable. That's cruel irony for you. I still have my moments where I grieve for my old life, the parts that I loved anyway, but I know I did the right thing and I can live with that.


You and I will both be ok. Count on it.

 

Talon: Don't worry Talon. I was sufficiently scared the last time I overdid it to make that mistake again. I am finally being a lot wiser in my choices.

I really believe that though we do have choices in life, often we are led to exactly the place we are supposed to be just by a series of small, seemingly unrelated steps. Life really is a wonderful mystery.


Selma: Lots of things you said here stood out, but one thing in particular....you watch Jersey Shores Sel? Really? I saw that show by accident one day and the words train wreck spring to mind....then again I watched Big Brother so who am I to judge...lol.


I'm sorry that you got passed over on that contract but it's their loss. I know that doesn't really help ease the frustration but I wouldn't take it personally. I'm afraid discrimination is still alive and well in the work place, they just don't admit to it that's all.

 

I had no idea you were back on blogger!!! I've missed you and even tried to email you a while back. I'm sorry about you and Craig. I'll read more of your posts and see how you've been.

There is nothing wrong with the pension and I'm glad you were able to get it. So many folks aren't even able to do that much.

I remember you talking about Avon, you had a butt load of clients. Between that and getting a job helping folks (which I think is perfect for you), it sounds like in time things will start looking much better financially.

Hugs my gypsy friend.

 

Moohaa: Great to see you Kelly. I have only just got back as you can see and I haven't caught up with everyone yet. Sorry I didn't get an email but I'm glad you found me in the end. I'll come by for a visit later but right now I have to get stuck into some study :-(

 

The Gypsy that I've come to know through these pages is not the type to have a short 'shelf life'. So it seems to me that you're at the beginning, not the end.

You're bouncing back with a determination that reflects the strength you have within. I’m glad to hear that you are moving forward, even baby steps are steps, and I watch with great interest and encouragement.

Oh and by the way, just where on your person is that ‘Use By Date’ stamped... they usually place them on the bottom, would you like me to take a look and read it out to you?

 

I've been trying to comment since you posted and could not....strangest thing. I finally restarted my computer (I usually leave it on all the time) and now I see the comment box. You don't HAVE a 'use by' date, Gypsy!!! There is going to always be a need for someone like you. I know that whatever you need will come to you as those guardian angels are good at what they do. Stop and think about what you ENJOY doing the most and then try and get into that field. I'm so glad you were able to get disability so quickly....its a THREE YEAR wait here!! Big hugs and sincere prayers, dear friend. xo

 

Bear: I don't think you really want to read that particular label do you Bear? Cheeky boy.

This week I have felt a new zest for life and it is indeed only the beginning. For the first time in about 5 or 6 months I have real hope in my heart. I can't wait to see what happens next.


Golden to Silver Val: That's weird about the comments because someone else had trouble too and even I have to sign in 50 bazillion times every time I want to respond. I think I may have stuffed up the settings. I will check it out later.

What I would like to do more than anything in the world is work with animals in a shelter or something similar but my only fear is that I would be constantly upset when a malnourished or abused animal is brought in. Not only that but I would be taking them all home with me and there is barey enough room for me and Elizabeth as it is. Elizabeth is my chicken :-)


I was very fortunate to get the disability though I did fight the whole notion until I had no choice. I'm too independant for my own good sometimes.