To be honest there were many reasons why I didn't want to go down that road not the least of which was I thought it would be another time wasting activity when spare time is not something I have a great deal of. I have occasionally looked at my daughters' Facebook accounts when they haven't logged themselves off my computer and I couldn't understand for the life of me what all the fuss was about. People were writing the most inane, mindless drivel on there and I just didn't think I would get any enjoyment out of it. I mean really...does anyone care if you just made yourself a ham and cheese sandwich? Hold the mayo.
I'm always happy to concede that I've made a mistake and been wrong about something, especially if I didn't even give it a try, but I'm not saying that exactly. You thought I was going to eat a giant slice of humble pie didn't you?
How about if I just eat the crusty part I like so much?
The part that I have enjoyed is finding old friends, in particular, some old school mates. Some of them just have an older version of their young teenage faces while others are virtually unrecognisable. In the case of the latter I am quite sure I would have walked straight past them in the street. Most have that middle aged cushioning going on and in some cases a lot less hair but on the whole they are just older versions of their former selves and most seem to have got through life without too many bruises.
Since I've been separated, I have been very hurt and disappointed by the treatment I've received from people I thought were my friends. It's true what they say......you always find out who your real friends are in a crisis and that has been a very bitter, hard lesson to learn. People find it uncomfortable having a third wheel around. My men friends seem to think because I am now single I might make a play for them and that scares the geewilikers out of them. Frankly I don't fancy any of them but evidently they have a fairly high opinion of themselves. So I have muddled on without anyone and have done very well. My social life is tragic but I was never much for going out a lot anyway.
The people who have been there for me are blogging friends who kept in touch with me even before I left Craig. After we broke up, they gave me their unconditional support, their wisdom, kind words of advice but most of all their friendship. I won't embarrass them by naming them, but they know who they are. You made all the difference as to whether I was going to sink or swim at times and I will be forever grateful for that.
So I decided to join Facebook to see if I can make some sort of life for myself outside of my little home that I share with a chicken called Elizabeth. It may not work but the world is full of possibilities and we all have to start somewhere.
15 comments:
Good luck with Facebook! I have no desire to be part of it all myself. Both daughter's love it, but I really don't want to find old buddies that I was never that keen on in the first place! Plus I do find it all very superficial, but what do I know?
I just don't want my sad life, full of trivia to be that public somehow. :D
I also hope you like Facebook. I've been asked many times to try it, but I have no desire to go there. I've seen bits and pieces through my grandson and it looks like a bunch of teens bragging on themselves....or not. Also, I really don't have any old friends to find. I know where they all are.
I know what you're going through...feeling like the 5th wheel...just out of place. As a married couple, we enjoyed card parties and after I divorced, I was NEVER invited again. Whether the women felt threatened or the men did, I'll never know....but it was lonely. What made me feel most horrible was male co-workers of mine, who were married, asked me out. Why in the world did they ever think I would agree to such a thing? Seems as though divorced women carry a certain stigma (at least with ignorant people they do)...isn't that always the way. Eventually you meet other women who are just like you and end up making some really good friendships. Hang in there, dear friend....it will only get better and you may discover new things as well as new friends. Big hugs and much love.
I love my Facebook. But I'm a social person and my friends mean the world to me. They are my family where I have none and Facebook is an easy way to keep in touch and share photos and all of that. You know I take in a lot of live music and my friends post their schedules on there and it makes it very easy to get everyone together. I have come to enjoy it more than keeping up with my online journal, to be completely honest.
I know what you mean about the disappearance of so called friends when the chips are down...
I don't like facebook because I really don't see the point of letting all and sundry know that I have gas... but the main thing I don't like about it is that it exposes the side of my kids to me that's the reserve of their circle of peers... I feel very uncomfortable about that.
Each to their own. I wish you good luck with it... but I also hope you find the connections you need outside of the internet too.
Having a close friend myself, albeit one that's too far away to see regularly unfortunately, has been a life saver for me since my separation. And although all my other friends have evaporated, I just know that she's a friend I'll have till the end.
Cheers.
I'm so glad you're on FB. I enjoy being able to have a glimpse into my friends' lives. Even if I never see them in real life. Like you, I've made many friends through blogging and other online forums. FB is a way for me to get to know them even better. I only keep people around that I want to know more about or want in my life. I got caught up in the numbers game when I first signed up.. seeing how many "friends" you can get. Now I only keep people around that I want a relationship with.
Hugs friend. And I'm glad you have found support, even if it's not from the people who SHOULD have supported you.
I have been active on Facebook for more than two years. I started out tentatively, sure I would hate it, but was pleasantly surprised. Some random thoughts:
1. A real community of like-minded peers would be great. That's what teenagers find there. But it's hard to find people 60 and over who want that kind of community and are confident with this medium. Even so, I will keep trying.
2. I'm amazed my children and grandchildren don't mind my 'eavesdropping' on their Facebook lives, but they seem to think it's cool. For my part, I've learned a lot about them and their interests by following them on Facebook. Some are on the other side of the country, but Facebook lets me keep up with their daily comings and goings without being a pest.
3. I only accept invitations from people I care about or who are desirable conversation partners. I've deleted some old friends whose posts just reminded me I was never that in tune with them.
4. I have set rigid security levels (Accounts-Privacy-Friends Only for everything), I use secure browsing (URL begins https), and I never respond to any games requests or silly chain-mails.
5. As a full-time carer who can't easily join groups or meet friends for coffee, I find that dipping into Facebook has helped me to remain connected with the world.
So far, however, I've resisted Twitter.
I agree, I am anal-retentive about the security settings on my FB! People actually poke fun at me about it, but I don't care. Haha!
I agree, I am anal-retentive about the security settings on my FB! People actually poke fun at me about it, but I don't care. Haha!
I'm not a Facebook fan but if other people enjoy it then that's all that matters. I know some people who get a lot out of it but I don't think I will ever sign up for it. I hope you get to meet some nice friends from the past. Just have fun with it!
LL Cool Joe: I was exactly like you Joey and although I like it better than I thought I would I certainly won't be spending hours on it. It's already losing it's shine for me and I've only been on it for 5 minutes...tehe.
Golden to Silver Val: I have been deeply hurt at times by people's attitudes and I have felt like an untouchable at times. You make an interesting point about the women or men feeling threatened. Other women have always been wary of me around their men folk and it has always annoyed me. Just because I am a friendly and warm person that is always perceived as something more sinister. I refuse to change who I am so I guess we are all stuck with our own misconceptions. Que sera.
I have found lots of women friends on FB and I hope we can all get together one night. Some of them were a lot of fun back in the day and I would love to catch up with them.
Iamheatherjo: I think there is a place for FB and for someone like you it is perfect. I'm of another generation and most of my old friends are not only, well old, some are even grandparents lol. I don't think I am going to be seeing a lot of live bands with this lot.
I know how much your friends mean to you so it's a great vehicle for you to jazz up your social life.
Bear: I try not to visit my girls' pages because I don't think I need to know the minute details of their lives and who they and their friends are bitching about this week. That's one of the things I have against FB...it's so easy to bully and be bullied and I hate that.
I'm glad you have someone you feel close to even if she is far away. I'm sure she's just as grateful that you are in her life. Friends can be a precious thing.
Moohaa: I will admit that I got a bit of a rush when all these friend requests were being accepted and people were sending me lots of welcome emails but I'm really not concerned with how many friends I get just like I've never worried about how many comments I do or don't get on here.
I have enjoyed seeing people's photos especially ones from my family and I have been pilfering them left and right.
I think it can be a good thing depending on what people hope to get out of it.
Chartreuse: I'm so glad for you that you have FB as an outlet just for yourself. It can be very isolating in your situation. I know what you mean about the older generation of which I am a part. Most of my friends don't post inane commentaries on an hourly basis so it's actually rather quiet. My girls are bashing away at it night and day and there always seems to be a lot going on in their FB world.
One of my daughters has made so many friends she would never have otherwise encountered and her life is very rich and full. She is the one that helped set up my FB account and she made sure her dear old mum was protected by introducing every privacy thing going. You can't be too careful can you?
Iamheatherjo: Don't you worry about people making fun of you Heather. The privacy settings are there for your protection and safety and should be used by everybody if they have any sense.
Selma: I said I never would for about two years. In the end I caved under the pressure especially from family so they could see how I was doing. I absolutely refuse to go on Twitter though and that's something I will never change my mind about. I don't do anything interesting enough to tweet about anyway. Just the fact that it's called a tweet is enough to put me off lol.
Selma, I feel the same as you do about 'tweeting' (can't even stand to write that without the single quotes!) But I wonder if I'll change my mind one day. That's the best thing about getting old, I think: learning to go with the flow and staying flexible in both body and mind. I'm caring for an 82-year-old husband who amazes me constantly with his ability to do that - and who, I'm quite sure, would have died by now if he hadn't been able to adapt and deal with several problems (even losing the ability to talk!) But hey, I've gone way off the topic here. Easy to do in blogging (and even easier in commenting). You started a good discussion here, GD. Keep it up.
I almost deactivated my facebook account the other night. As I sat on the screen, contemplating whether to really press the button, a friend popped up in IM and asked what I was doing. She talked me out of it. Then my daughter called, and agreed that I shouldn't do it. So, I'm still there. For now.
For the record, I have friends that are grandparents as well. LoL :D
I'm still here, sweetheart (and you know what I'm thinking!)
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