Maybe I should cut myself a bit of slack..... after all a marriage breakdown, even if you are the instigator, is a massive life change and to be fair to myself I think I have done the best I can. The worst part is the way my moods can swing from one extreme to another in the space of 24 hours. Some days I feel at peace, content even and other days I feel like my whole system is in total conflict. I have no idea what each day will bring and I am at a loss to know how to handle it. This is one of the main reasons why I haven't blogged or even kept up with my emails (sorry Kim). I just haven't wanted to talk to anyone.
I did deactivate my Facebook but I am using it again now or I will turn into a total recluse. At least with Facebook you don't have to worry about writing a masterpiece or even anything half decent and you still feel as though you are in contact with the world if you want to be.
I guess things haven't turned out the way I'd hoped when I finally plucked up the courage to leave my husband. Really I think I just wanted to be happy but I'm just as unhappy as I was before only now I get to be miserable in private and I don't have to "fake it" all the time. That is a relief at least.
I've always believed that the best way to deal with any kind of negative emotion is to make yourself feel it. So many people bury their grief and really believe that if they ignore it then it's gone. It isn't. You carry it around with you everywhere you go. At least if you face it and deal with it no matter how painful it is, you can eventually put it somewhere it won't be forgotten but won't be festering inside you like a painful wound.
I keep telling myself that this will pass, it always does. The thing is if you asked me what was wrong I honestly couldn't tell you and that is the main problem. If you know what you're dealing with at least you have a shot of moving past it.
I vowed that I wouldn't write a "poor me" post but at this point I am up for trying anything to get past this terrible funk.
If anyone out there has been through this and has any words of encouragement or advice I am all ears and willing to try anything.
8 comments:
There are times I bury my grief/anger/pain because I'm just not ready to deal with it yet. I eventually get around to it but sometimes ignoring it is the only way I'll keep going.
I know it will sound silly but my friends and my pets get me over myself pretty quickly. I'm sure your lovely daughters have the same impact on you when you're with them.
Do things your own way. Heal the way you need to and don't let anyone push.
Sweet Gypsy...if you still have my email address, please send me yours; I would very much like to chat with you about a bunch of things in relation to this. Much love and big hugs....
I haven't been through this and I am so sorry things are tough for you. Just know that no matter how bad it gets and how down you are; there are people who love you. A city away, a world away. We care about you and want the best for you. Anything I can do for you, pray, light a candle, do the Snoopy dance, anything, I am here for you. You are loved.
Marriage break ups are so hard even if - as you say - you are the instigator. I agree with you that when it comes to depression or related emotions that the best thing to do is to dive into it. The dark feelings will pass more quickly if you acknowledge them (unfortunately, I am becoming a bit of an expert on this.) Know that you are loved, Gypsy, and I am here if you need me XX
Thankyou so much everyone for your thoughts and kind wishes. I'm sure I will get back to something resembling normal with time, whatever normal is. This is just one of life's little speed bumps :-)
Oh I missed this post. :( I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. I think we all go through times like this. Be kind to yourself. Do the things you love and focus on the good things you do have.
I hope you are feeling better now.
Dear Gypsy darlin ---
Where oh where have you gone, where have you been? Take care and come back soon. Biggest hugs. :)
Happy Christmas Gypsy!
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